"But Why?"

by Becca Taylor

I have been serving in Africa with Mercy Ships for ten months.  They have been the hardest, most challenging months of my life but also the most rewarding. God has shown me so much about who He is and His love for me and each one of his children.  The poverty and oppression in Africa is paralyzing, but God continues to show me his love and goodness even through the suffering. 
 
Why do bad things happen? Why does God allow tragedy? Why doesn't God stop disasters? Why doesn't Jesus heal everybody? We have our "WHY, GOD?" questions, and sadly some have them more often than others.

Recently while visiting the hospitality center, where patients stay before and after surgery, I wondered what "Why, God?" questions they would ask.


I tried to put myself in their flip flops but couldn't fathom what it would be like. Instead I had to rely on the experiences I personally went through. My big "WHY, GOD?" question was after my brother Billy died at 16. Billy and I were on our way to school when he lost control of his car and died. It was a really hard time for me, my family, and anyone that knew us. For a long time, I blamed myself for Billy's death. I remember pleading with God night after night to bring Billy back and take me instead. I remember crying, wishing I could do that morning over and change one thing, anything, that would have altered the tragedy that unfolded that day. I wanted the hurt to go away, the suffering to end and things to go back to the way they were. When God didn't answer my prayers the way I wanted or make the pain go away, I instead blamed Him. I was blinded by a thick blanket of grief. I thought I would never get out of that feeling. Now as I look back on this hard time, I rejoice to see how God truly used it and continues to use it for good.
 
Through this tragedy and all the suffering, God showed me his unconditional love and compassion. This suffering produced an endurance to push me through all the hard times. This endurance helped build my character of an unshakable faith. And this character produces joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. Such hope never disappoints or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)

Each patient and caregiver at the hospitality center has a "Why, God?" question and a story of suffering. But just as God used my suffering for good, he will do the same for them because he loves and cares for each one. Watching them go through trials physically, emotionally and spiritually, I wonder with excitement how God will be glorified through their suffering.

God is not a merciless God. He weeps with us; he sees every tear that falls. God knows our future. He also knows that this world is not all there is and that our hope is based on something much greater.
 
Becca Taylor is a 26 year old pediatric nurse from Massachusetts who has been working with Mercy Ships since June 2009. She is currently located in Togo. Becca enjoys hanging out with her friends, hiking around the country, eating fufu (a popular African dish), teaching mothers health care, and going on adventures. She especially likes playing soccer but is challenged to keep up with the Africans! You can read about Becca's adventures on her blog.